Did Your Husband Choose Badly?

 "Did Your Husband Choose Badly?"

This is the actual title of a magazine article from 1946, written by Clare Breton-Smith. I transcribe below the opening paragraphs (I doubt you can abide any more of it) with my thoughts in italics.

We stood eagerly on the pavement, craning our necks as the bride and groom came out.

"Isn't she lovely...? Look at her dress...I hope he's good to her..." I heard on all sides.

I listened to the comments around me, gazing with stupidly misted eyes at the radiant faces of the young couple, and remembering a certain summer's day fifteen years ago. Then I thought of something. You often hear people hope that the man will be a good husband - how often do they wonder if the girl will prove a good wife? (Except that is, the man's mother, who naturally cannot believe that any girl is good enough for her boy!) Would this bride be a good wife? Are you a good wife? Am I?

So far so Barbara Cartland...brace yourself, here it comes...

I often wonder why men undertake the enormous responsibility of marriage. Have you ever thought what it means to a young man? He has been a gay bachelor - fussed over by an adoring mother, doted on by several aunts, pursued by attractive girls. He has a pocketful of money which he can "blue" whenever he likes.

It's unpaid labour, Clare love. That's why men got married. The key is in the "adoring mother" bit. A bloke knew his mother wouldn't be able to wash his pants and cook his meals for the rest of his life, so he had to find somebody else to do it. A real man didn't lift a finger to do anything himself. Apparently. 

Then he marries. 

In future he must earn a steady sum sufficient to pay for two persons' keep. (Later on this may be increased, maybe up to six persons!) There is insurance to be taken out, rent, rates, gas and electric light bills, food, coal...I'd better stop, in case any would-be husbands reads this and takes alarm!

If it wasn't for the patriarchy, he wouldn't need to support 2 people because his wife would be able to do any job she wanted and earn a decent enough wage to keep herself. He's only himself to blame for perpetuating the problem.

Sufficient to say that the young man either nobly or unthinkingly shoulders terrific responsibilities. But it's worth it, he thinks, to spend the rest of his life with an adorable girl in a home of their own.

Who sees that everything is done for him while he enjoys himself at work.

And what happens very often?

They return from their honeymoon and the young husband leaves the vicinity of the clouds and lands violently on terra firma. Maybe he has married a girl like my friend Louise. She is lovely to look at - but the reverse to live with. She drifts through life letting the chores pile up and having a whirlwind spring clean when visitors are expected. She seems to imagine that her beautiful face allows her certain privileges, and that her fortunate husband must expect the lily to be domesticated as well! Yet her husband - like all husbands - married to have a home with the girl of his dreams. He didn't expect what he has got - a pigsty. Great friend you are, Clare.

Yes, God forbid a man married an ordinary girl with her own interests, talents, strengths and weaknesses. "Oh no, disaster, I married a woman who doesn't enjoy washing my pants". Wash them yourself and give the girl her life back.

This illustrates one of the greatest frauds ever committed.  For decades nay centuries the myth endured that it was always the woman who wanted to marry, to "ensnare" a man and make him give up his life to keep her. In reality, it is men who wanted marriage to endure so that they would continue to live the life of Riley with their own unpaid work skivvy to do all the crap jobs. It's now time we packed the whole marriage thing in.

More 1940s stories in my Amazon shop here